With Or Without You
by gracelessheart
Summary: Set between seasons 7 and 8. Her choice to leave the BAU affects them all, her partner a bit more than the others. And after continuing their unfinished conversation, Emily is suddenly doubting her decision. So what will it be? Morgan/Prentiss
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **Not mine.

**With Or Without You**

by gracelessheart

Chapter 1

_See the stone set in your eyes  
See the thorn twist in your side  
I wait for you_

_**U2**_

There was no way denying that their unfinished conversation put a slight damper on the rest of the evening, much to their frustration. Emily felt horrible for letting her mind wander on a night like this. It was JJ's wedding day. Their extended family finally got to make some good memories together, to go along with the awful ones they already shared. It could probably not get any better than this.

Yet, her thoughts were elsewhere. Briefly distracted by the beautiful ceremony, a lovely dinner filled with light conversation and laughter and later on, dancing, Emily now found herself surrounded by too much darkness and silence to have the strength to push those nagging thoughts away. It was well into the early hours and only the team remained at Rossi's mansion.

They were all gathered around the same table, the men nursing tumblers of The Old Number 7. Jack had lost his bet with his father to stay awake until sunrise and was now sleeping soundly, draped across Beth's lap. Conversation was slowly fading and regular yawns made them all reluctantly realize that the perfect night was coming to an end. Looking around the table, Emily once against felt the guilt building up in her chest. _They have no idea. _

Meeting Derek's eyes across the table, she managed to offer a tired smile which was returned briefly before he turned to Garcia, taking in her drooping eyelids.

"Come on, baby girl. Let's get you that cab, shall we?"

The party slowly broke up, the newlyweds along with Henry and JJ's mother left with repeated expression of gratitude towards Rossi for arranging such a perfect wedding. Reid agreed to share the cab with Garcia and quietly followed Morgan into the house to call for one.

"First thing tomorrow, Emily," Hotch said in a low voice as he relieved Beth from a sleeping six year old.

Emily nodded. "First thing."

Then they also disappeared down Rossi's driveway. She watched them pull out in their cars one by one, before retreating back into the house to say her remaining goodbyes. She found Rossi in the kitchen, putting away the remnants of Jack Daniels and rinsing a couple of glasses in the sink.

"You alright?" he asked almost suspiciously. Emily briefly cursed the man for knowing her so well. Much like the father figure he was, he really didn't need to be told. He just knew.

"I don't know. I think so," Emily breathed out after a moment of thought.

Rossi nodded at her answer, sensing that it was all he would get for the moment. Noticing her eyes drift towards the windows facing the front yard, he followed her gaze as it landed on Morgan hugging Garcia goodbye and helping her and Reid into the cab.

"You two okay?" he offered.

The look he got from Emily told him clearly that she had no idea at all.

–

"I'll talk to you tomorrow, okay?"

"Derek, I swear, whatever it is, you won't be able to keep it from me," Garcia swore, recalling the conversation between him and Emily she'd stumbled upon some hours before.

"I know, baby girl. I know."

"Good. G'night, Derek"

He shut the door behind her, waving to Reid who already sat slumped in the back of the vehicle, leaning against the window and yawning tiredly. Morgan watched the cab disappear out on the street before turning back to the house. He knew Emily was still around somewhere and part of him wondered if there was a reason for that.

"I don't think it will be possible to keep it from anyone after I talk to Hotch tomorrow. Or, late today..." Emily's gentle voice broke through the eerie silence. Turning, Derek spotted her on the front steps, shawl wrapped tight around her shoulder.

"I guess," he replied. "So...you're gonna do it?"

Hating the lack of question and the obvious statement, Emily turned her eyes to the ground. She thought she knew what she was going to say, since she was well aware of the inevitability of this particular conversation.

"You mean leaving or accepting Easter's offer?"

"Isn't it the same thing?"

"I'm gonna leave the BAU no matter what. Doesn't mean I'll go to London."

"But you're curious about it, aren't you?" his tone was almost accusatory, causing Emily to glance up at him.

"I don't know. Maybe... I just know that I can't keep going on like this."

Sighing, Derek shoved his hands deep into his pockets and eyed her intently.

"Well, you said it yourself; I think you should stay. It could get better," he said almost hopefully. "Maybe it's just a phase."

Looking at him wistfully, Emily couldn't blame him. If he was the one dropping a bombshell like this, she would probably act the same.

"It's been almost a year, Derek," she pointed out carefully, seeing how the memories of what he'd referred to as "seven months of hell" wash over him.

"I still think you should stay. Let us help."

"I can't. I think you know that. And as I said, it's not you. You've been so...great. All of you. I probably don't deserve it after all those lies. It's the job. I guess there's only so much you can handle before you have had enough."

Studying his shoes intently, Derek almost seemed to come to decision himself. As he looked up again, the intensity of his gaze almost made Emily stumble backwards. She could practically see the resolve set, and suddenly she felt nervous.

"Stay anyway. Leave the BAU but please, stay in D.C."

Despite knowing what would come next, she voiced the question out loud.

"Why? And for what?"

"Emily," he almost pleaded. "You know why. And for what."

And yes, she did know. The past year had consisted of nothing but changes for them. The initial confusion and mistrust in the beginning had soon vanished to be replaced by a stronger connection and quickly mended relationship. And in some moments, hints of something more beneath the friendship. Tiny steps in a new direction and now, all of a sudden, he had decided to take a giant leap.

Derek Morgan was indirectly asking her to stay _for him_. Her partner who outside of work easily fell into the role as her best friend and confidante. Compared to the last few months of maybe's and intense moments, this was nothing but a heartfelt confession.

–

From his kitchen window, Rossi discreetly watched his friends deep in conversation. Apart from being a good profiler, he knew both of them very well. Those aspects combined had made it an impossibility to _not _notice. After saying her goodbyes and trying to prolong the inevitable, Emily had finally walked with slow steps through the front door. Watching them now, Rossi wished he was better at lip reading. He could only make out Morgan's face, being face with Emily's back and slumped shoulders.

Seeing the raw expression on Morgan's face and the emotion clouding his eyes, Rossi knew for a fact that tomorrow would indeed be a very interesting day. For all of them. Casting on glance at the pair still in his driveway, he turned off the lights and went upstairs to catch some sleep. He figured he could use to handle whatever Monday morning was preparing to throw at them.

–

**Bit of a slow burner maybe. But necessary for upcoming chapters. Reviews are appreciated, as always. **


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: **Thank you for all the reviews and favorites. Means a lot!

**Disclaimer: **Not mine.

**With Or Without You**

by gracelessheart

Chapter 2

_Sleight of hand and twist of fate  
On a bed of nails she makes me wait  
And I wait without you_

It was well past midday when she woke up. Rubbing the last remnants of sleep from her eyes, Emily let her gaze settle on the black cat perched on the bed, regarding her curiously.

"Morning, Serg," she mumbled. The cat simply tilted his head questioningly at her and then carefully crept closer and settled against her arm. After all, he'd been around long enough to be well aware of that Emily was not a morning person.

"So what do you think, huh? Fancy a trip to London?" she asked the cat, gently scratching his head. Sergio simply swatted his tail and nuzzled closer.

The heaviness in her chest hadn't eased the slightest despite a rather good night's sleep. The consequences of her decision still loomed like a dark cloud over her head.

They had been given a couple of days off after the ordeal on Saturday and the wedding on Sunday, but on Monday morning, she'd still ventured out to Quantico where she'd found Hotch in his office, as expected. He hadn't been surprised when she told him what it had all been about. She had told him about Easter's offer but also her doubt in accepting it. He'd listened quietly and simply nodded in silence then made her promise to tell him if he could help.

So here she was, with a couple of days to decide what to tell the team. She had decided to tell them before signing anything and making things final. They deserved to know what was going on compared to how things were handled last time. Feeling a little bit better at the thought of not having to make any further rash decisions just yet, she let her mind drift back to Sunday night. The memory of the look in Derek's eyes still made her squirm with guilt. He hadn't tried to hide the fact that this hurt him, and in some strange way she was glad he was honest about it. But he also knew well what this did to her – after all; since Doyle and her return they'd silently agreed on no more lies. No more hiding.

But what he was asking from her... Suggesting, wanting... Emily squeezed her eyes shut, hating herself for not being sure she wanted the same thing. His words still rang in her ears, his voice oh so familiar but the words so new to her that he might as well have spoken a foreign language.

_She looked at him incredulously, almost waiting for him to crack up with laughter, jab her shoulder and tell her it was just a joke. But the look in his eyes told her this was nothing but a joke. _

"_So you're actually suggesting that..." she whispered and trailed off. _

_For a moment, he looked almost frustrated with her. Then his eyes bore into hers again._

"_Yeah..." he repeated for the third time. "Yeah, I really do think you should stay."_

–

One hour later, Emily hadn't come around to do anything but take a shower and have a cup of coffee. She really wasn't suited for having this much free time on her hand combined with thoughts that refused to leave her alone. She usually compartmentalized, never handling uncomfortable issues if not necessary.

Without really knowing why, she found herself driving. Not aimlessly it turned out but as she pulled up on the driveway and killed the engine, she was rather surprised at where her drifting mind had ended up taking her. Gazing up at the almost intimidating stature of Ambassador Prentiss' home, Emily wondered what on Earth had made her go to her mother. She hadn't spoken to her in almost three weeks, not seen her for over two months. But as it always had been, when life was a little too overwhelming to handle yourself, mom was still mom. Ambassador or not.

Their relationship had, along with Emily's other connections, mended eventually when she got back from Paris and as Emily walked with brisk steps through the vast hallway, it warmed her heart region to see her mother look happily surprised to see her.

"Emily! I didn't expect you," Elizabeth Prentiss immediately abandoned the file on her desk and slipped off her reading glasses. She studied her daughter for a moment. They might not have the conventional mother-daughter relationship but a mother always knew her children, and seeing the distant look on Emily's face, it took the older woman about two seconds to realize something was off and that there was a reason for this spontaneous visit.

"Emily, is everything alright?"

Slightly touched and definitely not familiar with the concern in her mother's voice, Emily sunk down in one of the comfortable chairs in the large study, where her mother could always be found. When she was in town at least.

Emily sat quiet for a moment, still not sure why she'd gone to her mother of all people. Maybe because the ones she usually confided in had no idea. And would try to convince her to stay, just like Morgan had. For different reasons of course but still... Maybe she actually needed an objective point of view for once.

"I'm leaving the FBI," she forced out. Taking the words in her mouth, revealing her "secret" made it feel real. The weight of it all was heavier than she had expected.

"Okay," the Ambassador replied gently. "May I ask why?"

"It just...It doesn't feel right anymore."

Elizabeth Prentiss nodded. She hadn't been a fan of Emily going into law enforcement to begin with but she knew her daughter was good at her job. She was acknowledged for her linguistic skills and had a critical eye and an analytic mind. Despite everything, Ambassador Prentiss was proud of her daughter and it worried her slightly that she had suddenly decided to leave a job she had seemed to like so much.

"Does this have to do anything with...what happened last year?"

"Sort of. It's not just the job, mother. It's...everything. It feels like I'm still waiting for everything to fall back into place, to go back to my old routines but it never happens. I have to do something else...try something else before...before I go completely insane," Emily explained, feeling the frustration return.

"So... What are you going to do now?"

"Clyde Easter offered me the London Interpol Office."

"Well, that's...interesting. London is nice. You going to like it. I have plenty of contact in London, they could easily set up living arrangements etcetera."

To this, Emily said nothing. Maternal instincts kicked in once again as the silent treatment registered with Elizabeth.

"You're not taking it?" the Ambassador asked. Not accusingly, instead almost curiously.

Finally, Emily lifted her eyes from the ground where she had studied her shoes intently since the beginning of the conversation. She bit her lip and met the steady gaze of her mother, a look of determination she sometimes saw when she looked herself in the mirror. _Guess no apple ever falls far from the tree._

"I don't know... I really don't know," she almost whispered. She ran a hand across her face, sighing. She had never been either economically, practically or emotionally dependent on anyone else. It had always gone against her principles. And yet, here she was, contemplating turning down a really good position in London for what...For something that could easily be excused as emotional turmoil and one too many glasses of wine. But then she briefly recalled the look in Morgan's eyes and was reminded of that it was nothing spontaneous or whimsical in his sudden declaration; this was something he had been thinking about for a while. And to be honest, it was a thought she had entertained herself a little bit too regularly recently.

"Why are you hesitating? It's a good job, Emily. I thought this was what you wanted."

"It is," Emily said firmly. "Or, at least it was before..."

"Then, what changed?"

Again, Emily remained silent.

"Emily?"

Another long moment of silence passed before Emily found the courage to admit both to herself and someone else that she was practically basing her decision on somebody else. Something she had never done before, neither had her mother.

"Do you remember Agent Morgan? On my team?"

"Of course... What about him?" the question seemed to answer itself as a look realization washed over the Ambassador's face.

"Oh..." she let out slowly.

"So you and him are...?"

"No," Emily shook her vigorously. "No, we're not. But he... I don't know..."

They fell into silence once again and half an hour later of not coming up with a better explanation of things, Emily decided to leave. But not before her mother offered her a much less awkward hug than usual and eyed her thoughtfully from the front steps as Emily pulled away in her car.

She didn't feel much wiser than before but at least, the weight on her chest felt just a little bit lighter.

–

Across town Morgan dropped the paintbrush back in the can of paint and stood back to admire his work. Amazing how just a new layer of paint could make an old, forgotten room come alive again. He wiped away the few beads of sweat from his forehead and moved to sit on the first step of the long, winding staircase.

His current project was a large four bedroom property in a rather old neighborhood. Not much to do really, the structure was still stable. Just needed some good ol' TLC to be attractive on the market again. An easy challenge compared to his last one. There hadn't been much time over either. Since Emily's return every Sunday of every weekend had consisted of training sessions to begin with. Then also lunch and usually some activity in the afternoon. Shopping, movies, anything. Just spending time to make up for the past seven months.

He hadn't been here for almost three weeks. There had been cases and helping Emily with her eventual purchase. Although, now it seemed that none of it would happen. Her revelation to leave the BAU hadn't come as a surprise to him. Something had been off for a while. She had turned quiet and he'd often caught that distant, thoughtful look on her face. Now he knew the reason.

A few days had passed since the wedding and since then he hadn't thought of much else than the prospect of Emily leaving D.C. Leaving the States. That's why he had decided to work on the house today. He needed some distraction. Make her eventual move seem distant and highly unlikely, even if he knew it wasn't.

The memories of JJ's wedding night still played through his mind, over and over again. Dancing, laughing, hugging and talking. He still remembered every single word he had said. And every single, minute reaction on Emily's stunned face. He had gotten his meaning across eventually. She had understood what he was asking. She had looked incredulous and shocked. To be honest he was a little shocked himself. It was a speech he had prepared in his head for a moment much further into the future, maybe even not likely to happen at all. But at 5 a.m, even after the champagne had found its way out of their systems, on the driveway outside Rossi's huge mansion had become that moment.

He sighed in frustration. He hadn't heard from her since then. He had said all those things, resolved nothing, only asking for more decisions from her. Probably the worst timing in the world but the heaviness that landed on his chest every time he thought about her leaving made it impossible to keep quiet.

He had always thought not knowing what you wanted, not being able to decide was the worst feeling. Apparently he had been wrong. Knowing what you wanted, and wanting it so so much, but not knowing if you could have it... If you had messed it up.. That was far worse. He glared at the paint, starting to dry on the wall he just finished, mind occupied elsewhere.

–

**Okay. So I've realized this will move rather slowly. For a while. Bear with me, please. Reviews make me happy. **


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